The plural is "Vaginae"

I never thought I’d ever say this, but I don’t want to hear about vaginas ever again.

There has been a lot of talk recently about what should and shouldn’t go in them and when. Arguing about whether they are to be used solely for reproductive purposes or not and if they are used for any purpose other than procreation, whose money should to protect it from being impregnated. Most of this talking has been done by people similar to myself. Similar by way of being born without a vagina, being white and over the age of 40.

If anyone knows about vaginas, it's us!

Old white guys, I want you to know that I get it. Vaginas are mysterious things. Man stuff is all right there, just hanging out. Vaginas are all tucked in and secretive, like they’re hiding something. Man instinct is to go in a conquer it, make it open up and yield to us. We’ve done that for a long time, it’s habit. The thing is, vaginas are attached to people. These people have minds and souls and lives. They went to school and received the best education their economic status allowed. Some of them even hold positions of power and importance. These people are not just the life support system for vaginas. These people have goals and ambitions that do not involve their vaginas in any way, shape or form.

One of the ways that the White Old Men (hereto referred to as WOMs) have attempted vaginal invasion is by “transvaginal ultrasound”. The idea was that a woman who has found herself unexpectedly expecting and wished to terminate her pregnancy would have one of these “transvaginal ultrasounds”. The WOMs believed that when she saw the little black and white blob on a monitor looking up at her with its big baleful underdeveloped eyes pleading “please, please don’t hurt me mama!” she would have a sudden change of heart. The vagina bearer would run teary eyed from the family planning clinic crying, “I’m keeping my baby!!!” The only problem is, most women are fully aware that the growth of cells has a heartbeat and will grow into a baby (61% of abortions are for women who have already had a child). The idea that a woman casually decides to have an abortion is ridiculous. She’s not a WOM, she doesn’t have that “my way or the highway” mentality. Unlike a WOM, she’s going to think before taking action and weigh all her options. After enough kerfuffle, the Virginia law makers decided that a “transvaginal ultrasound” was a little impersonal and opted for an abdominal ultrasound instead. Cute. That’s almost respectful. That just says to me “We WOMs respect your vagina just a little more than we respect your ability to make a decision.”

At 8 weeks, the fetus can already get a twitter account

Something else the WOMs fail to realize is that just over 40% of women who receive an abortion are below poverty level. They can’t afford to take care of a child and they are taking responsibility by making the tough, logical conclusion. Speaking of responsibility, 54% of women who receive an abortion were using birth control the month they got pregnant. Only 26% had unprotected sex (others thought they couldn’t get pregnant or were forced to have sex). This tells me two things: women who don’t want to have a child are taking actions to not get pregnant and those who do get pregnant weren’t educated properly about birth control or didn’t have access to it.

I've been looking at vaginae all day! I still don't get it!

White guys, you have to understand something, I’m one of you. I really am. I don’t consider myself a feminist in any way shape or form. But what you are doing is really dumb. You WOMs are huge about personal freedom and choices when it comes to religion, the free market, where to send kids to school and all that. So many of you are opposed to nationalized health care because it limits peoples choices (I’m still not sure how you made that conclusion). How can you be so pro-choice in every other area except where your mother’s wife’s and daughter’s health is concerned?

In any case. I’m done with all this vagina talk. Those things confuse me. Apparently they confuse a lot of white old men.