Christmas Sneer

So the office Christmas party is today. Well, “Holiday Party”. The boss is Jewish, so it isn’t out of some PC crap, like “Holiday Parties” in grade schools where everyone is Christian in some way shape or form. It’s a genuine “Holiday Party” where everyone should feel included.

I so do NOT feel included.

It’s my own fault, easily. I didn’t volunteer to bring a dish. I didn’t make any effort to haul my family the 35 miles away from home to join me. I didn’t tell Wendy that I was going to go by myself and have her take the kids for the night, which she would have done with minimal griping. I just don’t feel any real connection to these people.

Don’t get me wrong, the people in my direct department are fine. My supervisor is kinder to me than I deserve and my co-worker is an earnest everyman type that you can’t help but like. But the rest of this place is just toxic.

There are two people I just plainly don’t like. The represent what is wrong with the world. A self centered tunnel vision. That corporate “smile to your face, sneer behind your back” mentality. I think the one thing that gets me is that one can never remember my name. He hired me. I worked in his department for over a year and still, every time I see him he has to stop to remember my name. Every time. I’m not the only one, mind you. But I’ve noticed that there are those whose names he never forgets: Those who are above him and those who don’t give him any problems. So guess which I am.

And that is what it all comes down to: a constant reminder that I genuinely suck at this job. That I am miserable here and my performance (of lack of it) shows it. Why don’t I want to come to the Christmas, er Holiday Party? Because I don’t want to be here from 8:30 – 5:00 to begin with. Pot luck and cheap wine is not an incentive.