Personally, I decided that I was never going to fly again over a year ago. I don't mind airplanes. I actually kinda like watching the other side of clouds and the cheap headsets and mini pillows you get. but, when it got to a point that you had to show up two hours early before your flight I started thinking it was a little excessive. When "jokes" about leaving your things unattended are prohibited, I thought they were taking themselves too seriously. But when they missed the Exacto blade in my carry-on, I knew that it was all for show.
Dave Barry recently went through the new airport security system. You know, the one that shows "everything". He apparently (pun intended) suffers from a "blurred groin" which meant that he was subject to a pat down, one of the new, more thorough pat downs, that is palm up and resembles reaching third base in middle school. While he was being "examined" one of the security guards was going on and on about how he was a fan of Mr. Barry's work. This guy knew it was the Dave Barry, yet still he had to go through the whole "you-show-me-yours-I'll-show-you-to your-seat" process. Seriously? Did they think some radical group of terrorists was going to brainwash Dave Barry into a suicide mission?!
The problem with airport security is that over the top measures that aren't going to change anything. Here's what is going to happen: in about two years another really dumb bomber is going to succeed in getting explosives on a plane. How? He's going to pack his rectum full of C-4. He'll get caught when someone realizes that he has been in the bathroom way too long and they bust in on him trying to light a wet wick. Soon afterwards, measures will be passed that passengers will be subject to random cavity searches. And who is going to be searched? That 84 year old grandmother. A 14 year old boy on a scouting trip. A pregnant mother with her two other kids. Every single person that you would least suspect. The worst part? We'll let them do it.
Look. I know terrorists are scary. Airplanes are great big shiny targets for them. They make really big explosions and are filled with people going to meet relatives. So when they die, there is lots of sad, tearful footage of widows crying and children who were waiting for daddy to come home. How about we just agree that flying is dangerous and leave the security measures at checking the bags and bomb sniffing dogs, because no matter what you do, someone is going to find a way through. No need to suffer radiation poisoning from big expensive machines, no need to limit my toothpaste to .02 ounces and no under trained community school reject feeling me up without buying me a drink.
Life is full of risks. Deal with it.
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